Reclaim The Crone by Charlie Robinson

I often joke to my friends that I'm an older person trapped in a younger body and believe the greyer my hair becomes and the more wrinkled my skin, the more I can be myself (granted I'm still only 35). I think this is to do with the resistance I've always felt to patriarchal expectations of the female body. As a cis- women who doesn't want children this has taken on a new dimension in recent years. I first noticed this resistance as a teenager. All of a sudden it was about looking sexy and adhering to western beauty standards, even though my changing body felt awkward and I didn't have a clue how to dress. Now I was expected to act sweet and stupid to not intimidate boys even though I was an intelligent, opinionated and hormonal teenager.

Western youthful beauty standards have never been inclusive and available to all womxn which is incredibly limiting but also problematic when you think about it. Like many teens l remember being sexually harassed whilst in school uniform. This caused so much fear and shame in me but when I finally told my mum I learnt it wasn't my shame to carry. As a child I wanted to be a princess but as I grew older the wicked witch or crone spoke to me. She didn't fear men, they feared her! She would protect me. She was an outsider in touch with her rage and power but more than anything had agency. I started looking up to older women who appeared comfortable in their own skin and with speaking their mind. Their beauty had depth, authenticity and character which to me is sexy.

More than anything I believe womxn's value lies beyond the body and it's potential to bear children or attract a lover. Of course some folks find immense power in this but perhaps it is something to hold lightly as our bodies will inevitably change and those qualities do not define us. The crone finds self-governance as someone no longer defined by her role as mother, wife or lover. I wonder if this is why she has been so feared and demonised, judged as a cantankerous hag or dried up old maid with no more use to society. As much as the fear she evokes appeals to me as a cloak of defence I can wear against the male gaze, those projections are far from the truth. This is a womxn whose power comes from knowing herself, trusting her intuition and sharing her wisdom. She is an elder who uses her experience to guide people through life's transitions. It begs the question: How much do we value elders in western society?

The modern wellness world seems to have forgotten the role of elders. I feel like the most visible healers and practitioners appear to be well under 50. Why is that? What do we not want to see? What are we afraid of? There are many challenges with aging such as ageing in poverty, without community or with pre-existing health conditions. OK, so there's a lot to fear but wouldn't we alleviate suffering if we valued and welcomed our elders back into society? Ageing can bring up deep grief and pain for a myriad of reasons so I don't want to romanticise it but I don't want to stick to a single story either. For me the crone shows that something else lies ahead for us so we don't have to stay focused on what we've lost. The crone teaches us to let go of attachment to the physical and embrace the cycles of life and death. Death is coming for us all and if we found a way to become more comfortable with that maybe we wouldn't banish the crone to the shadows.

I believe we would all benefit from reclaiming our inner crone. Life isn't easy and after each big challenge we are left forever changed. She asks us to reflect on the lessons learned and how we can share them. How can we use our understanding to hold space for others going through the same? How can we use it to shape a better world? After experiencing two big bereavements in my early twenties I was led to seek counselling and eventually train to become a psychotherapist. I guess this is my way of making meaning from my heartbreak. The crone at first my protector has now become my guide. I am so grateful for the teachers and mentors that continue to support me on this path. Their wisdom is with me as I navigate new challenges and go to places I never knew possible. So ladies, in short ... our tits will sag but wisdom lives on and if you don't believe me, here are some pearls of wisdom from my favourite Crones.